Recovery and Listening

It has been just over a year since I was diagnosed with celiac. I’ve made tremendous life changes and I’m glad for them. That same year is the year I also went through many other hellish body issues, those can be read in my initial blog, just so you know the intensity of that journey. Today I’m in a very different place, yet fully and clearly in recovery.

There are some things that have been helping me. LOTS OF THINGS. And that is a lot of what I am learning, people will say, what helps? And then I’m like, let me list it all for you. And oh boy does that list go on. *This is actually an awesome statement because it means I have found and use tons of tools* The stuff that helps me may not be what helps you because our vessels are fundamentally different and so I cannot just tell you to do as I do and you’ll have the same result. So what does that mean for individual healing journeys?

Listen to your intuition. That is the very best advice I can give. You know you better than anybody else and you have to be the best listener to your needs because no one else can do that. Let’s say your back pain is similar to mine and you want to try my regimen – that’s awesome and I encourage you to do it. I also encourage you to shift and adjust the choices based on your unique body responses. As a society we often shy away from the individual and enjoy a branding that lumps us in with others – I encourage you to make space for your uniqueness.

Making space is key. In December I left a toxic job atmosphere, I spent the very next day at the bathhouse sweating out and scrubbing off that entire experience. I decided to take a job with less pay and title than I have had in 10+ years and although that has ego ramifications, I made the change as a very conscious decision to make life more enjoyable for myself by decreasing stress in job responsibility and allowing more time for my own writing, personal projects, and physical and emotional healing. So now, when the ego starts yelling, I can soothe it by taking action in the areas I stated were my new priorities in my new given circumstances. So far, that’s working.

Due to all these choices, the new year meant a new ability to listen to my own needs and wants. And with the circumstances I’d created I was able to HEAR and TAKE ACTION on more intuitive nudges than ever before. It is a funny common thread in personalities that are more business minded and less into my new age phrasing that they commend me as “different” (than other hippies… they mean) because I don’t just visualize, I take action. That IS the key.

Make space for inner-personal conversation. Believe you deserve it. Ask. Listen. Receive the advice. See the next step. Take the step. Repeat.

*Often you will not see more than one step. Trust. It is important that you understand your path is laid out in a positive way and when you realize a positive active directive is given (even tho it may seem not THE answer) you must take the directive.*

Intuition steps:

1. Call out about what you are manifesting. Remind your guides, ancestors, greater power of communication that all things are to serve your highest good. Ask the questions you have. Unclear, unsure about certain things? Ask for kind and gentle clarity. (I say gentle because if you ask if you should be at your job and you get fired then you certainly got clarity, but maybe not in the kindest way possible.)

2. LISTEN FOR THE ANSWERS. All caps because we tend not to do this well. Realize that answers do not come to you from Divine sources as they come from tangible ones. Answers come in many forms and are often repeated to get you to listen. Answer forms require you to trust in your intuition. You may have repeated daydreams, nudges in your thoughts, night-dreams, overheard conversations or fragments of dialogue. Listen to these and take action based on what they are telling you.

3. Acknowledge the step and take it. DO NOT involve yourself in OBSTACLE THINKING. Obstacle thinking is when you see all the ways you cannot fulfill your own need before you try simply filling that need. I’ve been shortening my obstacle thinking window and it feels incredible.

Today is full moon and I’ll be releasing my obstacle thinking all together. Obstacle thinking has literally never helped me.

Here are examples of what I’ve been doing with my listening and obstacle thinking removals since I made space to listen to myself better this past January.

I wanted to DANCE. I was a dancer in my youth. My mother was a professional ballerina and so I had to train at the best Russian ballet school in New Mexico in formal uniform. My inclination of obstacle thinking is to see that I cannot dance now because of the expense and the dedication it takes to really go to dance class and train properly and the fact that I’ve a full-time job, I also see part-time clients, have 7 animals, a house I’m responsible for, and a partner I love and care to spend time with. UHOH where’s the time for DANCE?!?!!? Oh I delayed it well with all these great excuses. Then I plugged it into my morning workouts by just doing random youtube searches for dance workouts that sound fun. Here’s one that I love and *bonus* it focuses on muscle building that supports my back needs and aids in digestion by getting energy of torso fluid with bodyrolls.

Felt for years that I need to spend more time in the air and upside down. While I work on finding time to get into aerial work and rigging up the yoga swing that’s been in a box for two years because I can’t find weight bearing beams to install it on… I bought this inversion table. Using this table every morning after my workout is helping my body transform. No joke. I’ve been doing it just over one month and the results are incredible. My partner has also been receiving benefit and uses it just about twice a month. It’s a remarkable tool and I cannot say enough about its benefits.

Ten years ago, long before my celiac diagnosis, somewhere during my ninja training times I caught a stomach bug. After I recovered I had a very hard time processing food. I wasn’t “sick” anymore but food was a problem. I took BioK and it healed me right up. Truly anyone should take BioK if they need digestive healing or have been on antibiotics, I recommend BioK immediately when finished with antibiotics. However, I didn’t do this and last year had two more than two week intensive anti-biotic regimens that totally stripped me and then found out about celiac, so I’ve been trying to heal my digestive system without using a critical tool. Today is Day 5 on BioK and there is a notable difference in my digestive experience. Hallelujah! Use your tools!

Other intuitive nudges I’m hearing: when to ice my back, when to put heat on my back, when to use anti-inflammatory, writing, taking time for my body/mind/spirit as a priority, staying true to my moon rituals, asking myself what I want and calling the answers into existence.

Okay, my friends, the full moon becons, enjoy your own rituals, do something to serve yourself, get quiet, aks your questions, listen to your answers, believe in them as answers, and take action. May your journey be blessed with fulfillment. I promise you one step will need to the next. Blessed be.

*BONUS DESCRIPTION OF TONIGHT’S FULL MOON RITUAL*24862359_10154946667601496_6680651398018945006_n

Identify what you are done with: thought patterns, behaviors, items (physical or emotional) that do not serve your highest good, clutter that gets in your way from progress. Examine what must go and be honest with yourself if you are ready to release. Write down all the things, little or big. Sometimes I think there is a tiny worry I have, I write it down and when calling my list out to the full moon I say many “big” things and then I say “mama moon I release to you my worry of X little thing” and then tears come up quickly and my body heaves and I realize the true burden of the “little thing”.

Carrying fear and worry in our bodies does not serve to find answers that create progress, it only serves to make the vessel sick and the outcomes must face many more obstacles while working to come to fruition. RELEASE

So you wrote it all down, now go talk to the moon. There isn’t a wrong way. Find your conversation. Let it be how you talk. This is how I talk, “Mama moon thank you for being here with me now and shining your light so full and bright in this night’s sky. I call on you and the angels, ancestors and guides who watch and work with me. I call on all of you here and now to help me release what I will read to you. I give it all over to you so it may be converted into light and love. I release to you my worries over…..” And then I rant or I mumble or I cry or I yell. I do whatever needs doing and at some point it is done.

Then I go to the fire and I stick the paper with all the things I’d listed on it right in the fire and I BURN IT UP REAL GOOD AND IT FEELS AMAZING.

And as the moon diminishes from full in the sky so do all the fears/worries etc that you gave to her. And that is a Divine gift. No obstacle thinking. Remove the fear. Fuck Fear! You cannot move forward with one hand still holding in the past. LET GO of what is behind you and let it be behind you. It is beautiful there. You are not there anymore.

Be free to run forward.


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